Bnote # 145 – 2012

Frankly, I am glad to see 2011 come to an end. I don’t tend to fare well in odd numbered years. Looking back, odd numbered years have brought me family deaths, heartbreak, and pestilence of every kind. In 2011, there were only a few deaths and heartbreaks, but pestilences included an infected spider bite causing body-wide rash, my first ever strep throat illness, and whatever malady causes one to see and hear Thomas the Tank Engine everywhere.

Some crackpots believe the world will end this year on December 21, 2012, all because of a misrepresentation that the Mayan calendar “ends” on that date. Hopefully a couple thousand years from now, some jerks won’t think the world is ending in December 31, 3000 because that marked the end of a millennium by our time and calendar usage. But just in case this is everyone’s last year alive, here’s a totally not fake, totally achievable bucket list:

-Cure cancer for fun only, since it won’t matter anymore.

-Write the greatest novel ever written and beam it into space, only to be read posthumously by aliens, who believe it to be the work of a deity-like figure.

-Build Bailey an Earth escape pod, so she can travel to a distant planet where she will have awesome powers because that planet has a different colored sun. For some reason only Bailey can fit in the pod and not me too.

-Make love to a supermodel, while riding a roller coaster, while eating ice cream, while winning the Super Bowl.

-Invent time travel, so I can avoid the end of the world in the past, or in a future in which there is somehow no world.

Unfortunately for the Maya, the world ended for them a long time before their calendar “ran out.” Their 144,000 day calendar ended up being wishful thinking.


Alas, the world is not going to end in 2012. Even if the world were blown up by aliens, or scientists created a singularity (black hole) inside its center, or an asteroid collided with it, or Buddha smote it with his Buddha-hammer, it would still exist, even if it were merely pieces of floating debris. So there.

The year 2012 will instead be known as the year that saw:

-Michael Phelps winning every Olympic medal, even in basketball, fencing, etc.

-Barack Obama winning the presidential election by default because nobody wanted to vote.

-George W. Bush checking off the other two boxes on his axis-of-evil checklist as we go to war with Iran and North Korea.

-The launching of the Chinese space station, which will feature a buffet-style restaurant serving five flavors of pudding.

-The release of the iPad 2, featuring wings and an ultra-absorptive liner.